Just in time for the “Oscar’s Best-Dressed, Worst-Dressed Awards,” The Drudge Report posted a photo of Barack Obama dressed in a turban during a 2006 visit to Kenya. While an Obama spokesman acknowledged his candidate “looked like the bomb” during Spring Break Djibouti, he went on to scold the Clinton campaigner who exposed the photo and forced Barack to “scare America with his big black… white turban.”

But Green Card Party candidate and Oscar-attendee Amitabh Bachchan was skeptical. He cited the loose wrapping and the absence of a triangular summit as reasons to believe this impostor’s turban would never go over with the country’s brown constituents.

“The audacity of audacity!” Bachchan told reporters after seeing the photo. “Is this guy trying to make me look bad? I know you Americans say ‘imitation is the highest form of flattery.’ But come on, be serious. He looks like a walking roll of toilet paper.”

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Much to the dismay of senators Clinton, Obama and McCain, Green Card Party candidate Amitabh Bachchan rolled through Wisconsin with a sweeping victory on Tuesday, needing little more than his signature Dishoom.

At the festive Bachchan headquarters in Atlantic City, the candidate celebrated his 36th straight primary victory with a little drunken karaoke.

“My milkshake brings all the votes to the polls,” he told voters. “Dishoom! It’s better than yours! Dishoom…”

Sen. McCain, who took a crucial step towards representing the Republican party in November, questioned the rhetoric of the Prime Minister-hopeful.

“What does this mean, this Dishoom?” he told reporters in a news conference outside a San Antonio tricycle factory. “Do not be deceived, America. I think if you look deep in your hearts, you’ll find ‘Dishoom’ is just terrorist for ‘I love your lady’s lumps.’”

On the Democratic side, Senator Obama took home his 10th straight triumph. Some political analysts warned that, with only 1 percent of precincts reporting, the victory speech was premature, but Obama defended the move.

“Yes, We Can! Yes, We Can!” Obama said. “Didn’t you see? CBS put a check mark by my name!”

A desperate Clinton was unwilling to concede. She asked Americans to quiet down their excitement and reminisce upon the good ol’ days.

“I remember a time when one word wasn’t enough, which is why I’ve been using so many different ones,” Clinton said. “Change. Experience. Trust. Companionship. Hard Work. Fastidiousness.”

An instant New York Times/CBS poll reported some 80 percent of Clinton supporters were unsure when to cheer.

“Never mind. Politics isn’t about making things easy, you guys,” Clinton continued. “It’s about making things harder. I’ve got the experience to prove that. You should know. Shouldn’t you guys be paying taxes right now?”